It looks like rain. Your throat hurts. The prawns are off. The cheese is bland. The wine is past its best. I get my period. You burn your arm. The promised sunshine never comes. We lose the planning appeal. The Aberdeen Angus steaks are rancid. I shout. The TV loses its sound. In the middle of the night the alarm goes off. Your throat still hurts. It rains. The mango is rotten at the core.
break
in the rain
birdsong
frogpond - Volume 31:2, 2008
break
in the rain
birdsong
frogpond - Volume 31:2, 2008
I defy anyone not to relate to this at some point! Great writing. Set off perfectly by that release of tense breath at the end.
ReplyDeleteThanks, jem. We did end up laughing... eventually!
ReplyDeleteLynne,
ReplyDeleteI especially like how the terseness of your sentences in the prose echoes the emotional subject matter.
The haiku also echoes that terseness and I wonder if you considered (or why not) going the other direction with it. That is, a 'ku with longer lines, more poetic flow.
Like jem, I appreciate the release at the end.
Laughter is damn good medicine, isn't it.
I love this, partly because i can relate so well but also because the way the haiku changes both the form and the mood of the piece is just so right...
ReplyDeleteHi Josh, and cgp, and thanks for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate your insights and responses.
ReplyDeleteYep, laughter is the best, and only way, sometimes.
This haiku is so short and so perfect. Thanks.
ReplyDelete--Melissa
http://haikuproject.wordpress.com/
Thank you, Melissa.
ReplyDelete